"If he or she wants to...., we don't want to anger the women in the class now, do we?" An oft repeated statement, followed by sneers from guys in the class with a pinch of sarcastic comments. Pretty hard for the XY clan to see the XXs in there. "Dude, there is no way she could have gotten to that position. Slut! Damn straight there were things happening behind close doors." " Man, she got a better grade than me, how is it possible? Plus she's married. Doesn't she take care of the kids or something?" Its sheer pleasure to see how the male ego is hurt when a female compatriot crosses their horizon. Oh that ego. Fire spitting, rock solid, easily hurt- ego. Somehow they cannot stand that women can be their equals. Equal wage sounds blasphemous to them. After all, why shouldn't it- the better race that they are , aren't they?
Millions of Americans today are insecure with the idea of a female President. Why? For fear of being a nation that could be possibly run over. Gender bias, and not policy bias is what will determine their voting inclination. How apt! She might not be able to handle the pressure, she will do a bad job at being President! Yea great job the guys are doing, aren't they? Wonderful job! Keep up the good work, please? What would we do without you, o wise one?
How many girls have often found themselves in the if-can-you-cook,- you-will-get-married situation ? How many? Can I get a count please? Inquire the same thing from a guy- boy are you going to go down Inferno. The girl's insolence would be called upon with umpteen scrutiny, she might even be accused of being sexist. Thank you very much. I prefer it that way. Deal with it or keep walking. Last night, I found myself in a situation where the guys asked a girl to make tea at 1:30 am. When the girls rebelled for her, pop came the answer- "We are prepping her for family life." Excuse you!!?!!! Family life? Serving male chauvinists like you? See, we have no problem being stay-at-home husbands but we need to get paid for it. Classic foot in the mouth situation, cause two of us were about to ask them to shed out money for the late night tea. All they did was have a smirk on their faces. Insensitive .....!
Ask a guy to change their last name after marriage- BLASPHEMY! But reverse the gender and they justify by the eternal just-because-it-should-be! Who bloody hell said so, might I ask?
There have been instances where highly educated males have made their wives change their last name on their already existing passport too! Rude, callous, chauvinistic coward. Can't stand the fact that the wife has an identity of her own. Why should her identity be tied with an incessantly insecure human being? Just- because?
Just because what? It will hurt that ego that she is independent? It will hurt that ego that she can be someone too? Or because you will lose strong hold? You will lose that control over her life? Do not even dare give me the its-traditional line, cause I promise you, you are asking for trouble. Its sickening to see how strong of a hold a male dominated society continues to have even today. They feel tremors in their fort the minute a girl approaches them. Guards up! She cannot pass through these gates, or else we will crumble.
But what's gagging is girls who let it happen.
We need to poke that male-ego more often cause that's the only way they will realise our worth. That blasted male ego!!!
11 comments:
Comment by Rizwan, (sent to me as an email)
To begin with i was kinda laughing with the tone and the strong adjactives u have used... I am sorry to say, but things have changed a lot in recent times and i think atleast the people who would read this have respect for women and believe in equal rights.
However, they are few things in specific i wanna comment on...
"Dude, there is no way she could have gotten to that position. Slut! Damn straight there were things happening behind close doors."
This is a very common comment i have heard. At the same time, the other common comment i have heard is..
"F***, that Ba***** is corrupted."
i have come across both guys and girls who use these kinda statements. Just consider the situation when such sentences are used. Its out of frustration, out of anger which can be for both valid and invalid reasons. What does this have to do with male ego?. As a fact, in some cases i have observed people being too liberal( for watever reasons) to girls and girls love misusing such situations. It has nothing to do with male ego..
As for american president, i dont have much clue abt americans.. but indians were more than ready to welcome a female president. I would not deny that people thought and talked more than they had ever before but that was because she was replacing APJ Abdul Kalam who had impressed more than many people in india. I can not see a sign of male ego here.
The last name funda has been following since ages and even today people continue to use it blindly. Tell me whether the majority of female accept this trend or not?? Also tell me, how many of them actually talk to their men if its a matter of issue?? Now that u made me think abt this, in future i would make it a point to talk to my wife abt this and i would accept her choice. So, the bottom line i wanna say is.. it has nothing to do with male ego.
And the kinda comments like.."preparing for marriage life" bla bla.. even i use these kinda statemengts but everything in a jovial sense... In fact, i use such comments more often with guys..
In my opinion, things have changed and are changing at a quick pace. There may still be males with male ego.. but the number is minimal..
"We need to poke that male-ego more often cause that's the only way they will realise our worth. That blasted male ego!!!"..... Generalizing such statements is like stating "all muslims are terrorists just because bunch of people are doing evil deeds".
Where is this hostility coming from? Did the tea story really happen?
One comment about the female president thing... Not all countries are ready to do business and negotiate with a female president. Keep in mind all of the countries we do business with. Beyond that, Hillary just plain sucks. We need the right woman. Not just the first thing that walks up.
I can't cook, and I don't really care to learn how to cook. Stu cooks for me. :) Will you hate me if I change my name? :D My parents never told me it was expected for me to change my name. It's just been what I've grown accustom to since I was little.
I support you on not serving, not being stay-at-home mom, not changing your name, and standing up for your thoughts. They're very good thoughts and actions! This reminds me of a conversation I had with my mom one time when she grabbed a guy at a bar by the balls because he wouldn't leave her alone. Haha, she said the look on his face was pure fear, because he didn't know if she was going to yank them off of him. Bet that was the last time he tried getting a girl to do what he wanted.
true
Name change/body accessories/what not! just to say u r tied to the person? So is it a symbol of being together?
I wish to know why and where all tis started! There r not enuf rebels to rebel tis rebellion attitude.beat the chauvinism!
sent to me by Kaustuv Sarkar through gtalk -
The same passions in man and woman nonetheless differ in tempo; hence man and woman do not cease misunderstanding one another.
--Friedrich Nietzsche
Why sooo much angry shreya ji? :)
"... the better race that they are... "
Deffly can't make claims lathat. The only area I've seen guys a league above the girls is comp programming :D
Rizwan,
I don't think I generalized, but I do have to say that the fact that your comment was this long definitely means that something hit that ego in you. Like I told you the other day, even if things have changed, there is that an iota of ego that is hurt when a girl pushes forward. You have probably done subconsciously, basically not having realized that it happened. The fact that you admitted having never thought about the last name shows how things are taken for granted. Someone as liberal as you never thought about it either..
That's what I am talking about
Annie,
Yes, the tea story did happen, but I did tweak it a little here and there. I respect what you have grown up with, but hypothetically imagine a situation where someone with the same values as yours had her name changed after marriage, but then got divorced because of reasons. Then she gets married again, so she changes her last name again, and then she has another identity? So what happens to her individual self, and knowing that especially in this country we use last names a lot, imagine how irritating it must be. For example, we have a conversation about a mutual friend and she has gone through this situation and a third party wants to know about whom we are talking, we say "Stephanie X, oops Stephanie Y", don't you think thats annoying? I know its a little far-fetched, but its not like it hasn't or won't happen right?
And about Hillary, you know I am not one for her, but regardless of Hillary, you know there are people who hate the idea of a female President.
No hostility, just stating reality.
Rajeev,
Thank you. I am glad you see where I am coming from. Yes, body accessories are so uncalled for. There maybe rebels, but something just makes everything seem right the way things are.
Kaustuv da,
Grin :D. Thank you. I guess things sometimes should be black and white to stop situations like these :D
Varun,
No anger, reality. Even the fact that you very subtly acknowledge that there is one area where you guys are better than girls, its interesting to see that you made it a point to note it. Right?
There are a number of things that I have learned through years of literature and education that I think could help shed some light on this situation.
A) When a male speaks to/about a female, there is a hopelessness there which is innate and natural. The female will almost always feel as if the phrasing of the words used were done so on purpose to either be too sensitive or were used to be offensive. For example, if that person who said "If he or she wants to.." had said "If he wants to..", then the complaint would be: "Why didn't he say 'she'?". However, since he used "he or she", then the complaint becomes: "Oh, he doesn't want to anger the women."
B) Millions of Americans are insecure about the idea of a female president for various reasons. Either the fact that it is Hillary Clinton and not someone else. I think that maybe voters just dont like Hillary and have nothing against female nominees? Additionally, we have never had a female president in the past so it is definately a source of anxiety and nervousness for this to be the first time we have a female president. (I personally plan on voting for Hillary Clinton). The same sort of bias applies towards Obama, or white candidates. It comes with the territory and the gender/race that you are.
C) The scenario you described is one that occurs often in south-asian and asian or poorer countries. Yes, it is unfortunate, however the tide is changing and women are standing up and walking away from those traditions. The western world has migrated away from those traditions. I have sisters who feel the same way.
D) Less and less men are asking their wives to change their last name. This has been a universal and worldwide tradition across nations. It has changed in the last decade and will continue to do so. However, I find it worth mentioning that the disturbing divorce rates in the world are the trigger for this movement. Less women are inclined to change their name because they feel that marriage is less permanent today than it was twenty years ago. As well as women just naturally wanting to keep their family name and show their worth to be as equal to their brothers. After all, both children should bear the family name, not someone elses. But then who gets the childs name? If couples can, they should get that out of the way first. If they fight over last names then the marriage is doomed to fail because there is no flexibility there.
95% of what you have discussed are problems resulting from tradition, culture, lack-of-education and stubborn-minded buffonery. The other 5% may or may not be about the Ego.
Personally, I think the male Ego is proving today to be less of an animal than that of women.
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