An arranged marriage made to fail?

In India, the concept of "love" marriage is still quite a taboo. You might argue against it, but at the back of your mind, you know there is some truth to it. Castes are different, societies are different, there might be a language barrier. Arranged marriage is the way to go, to avoid setbacks, to avoid fights, to avoid all that Bollywood drama. After all, there can be no mistakes when kundalis are matched, can there? 

They both spoke the same language, their castes might have been different. But a mutual friend introduced the two families and it all clicked. There was an exchange of property so that it all stayed within the families. A joint merger of sorts. The wedding, a grand success. However, a certain part of the wedding party had confidence this would fail, they wanted it to fail. They weren't too happy about it.

Years later, the family, now with a child, continued to live. To survive. For differences about property crept up. Who used what, and to what extent was the problem. Not that they didn't want the other to prosper, but they wanted themselves to be ahead of them. Irony.

The child was successful. The parents however, no longer able to look at each other. Income distribution hadn't been fair, or so one of them claimed. Inheritance rights weren't implemented. One side remained forgotten. It got to a point where there was no looking back. Divorce was essential. Unfortunately, in all this battle for property, there was another battle. A custody battle of a daughter who could live independently, but neither parents wanted to give her up. Her fate, out of her hands, and in the hands of a judge.

A marriage destined to fail.

So long a United Andhra. So long.

To Hyderabad. Pachees saal se idhar hoon....aaj izzat mitti mein mila diye tumhari. But you will forever be our shaan. Once a Hyderabadi, always a Hyderabadi. From a United Andhra.

Maitri 2012

Disclaimer: I am going to try to remember everyone that I need to acknowledge, I apologize in advance if I missed out on someone. It's completely unintentional. 

If you've known me since 2007, you are probably well aware of my affinity towards dance. Calling it an affinity might just be an understatement; an obsession might fit better. Last Sunday (April 15th), the Graduate Indian Student Organization felicitated me for having been involved with them for the last five years, and more so, for being the complete tyrant I become on the day of Maitri to make sure things run smoothly. From the bottom of my heart, "Thank You". I couldn't bring myself to say anything on stage that day, simply because I knew I would sob midway (I cry for little things, a big thing like this would have set the flow of water quite early). So to seem less ungrateful, I decided to write. 

People who know me have often questioned my dedication towards my Ph.D. in Economics. Some might even argue that it was in the background, while dance was in the foreground. I am going to say the very diplomatic thing - No Comments - and move on. While there is no harm in my dangling conviction, I'd like to boast a little bit by saying that I was able to handle both of them with quite a lot of help and self-motivation, although which held priority early on is a difficult thing to evaluate. I hope I can maintain this passion, simply because I've realized that I cannot live without dance, be it classical, hip hop, the thumkas, the lachaks, the machaks.

A little known fact is as to where this self-inflicted pain, I mean motivation to take part in Maitri came from. It was Vikram Shete's committee's Maitri in 2007 and they'd put up a great show. However, something in me kept saying, "I can do better than this". No offense to the dancers; it was just my judgemental self taking over. The year after when Srinath's committee started Maitri's organization, something brought out the inner love for dance in me, and I have never looked back one bit since then. That first year, the bond I made with Kranti and Karthik, I owe my future involvement with Maitri to them. The urge to betternthe previous Maitri kept growing and it became progressively harder to fulfill people's expectations. People just kept saying what are you going to do next. The last two years have been very challenging and I am going to blame it on Dance India Dance and students to showcase what they can do and what they wanted to do. But increasingly, GISO started seeing better, top-notch dancers enter the arena and it just got easier. I was sick of hearing, "Shreyasee, kuch faadu karte hai na is baar." Little did the know that their "faadu" wish brought me nightmares. Late night videos, editing songs, trying to not copy steps- its a challenge, but once you have a great team that can relate to your passion, its a cake walk.

Personally for me, Maitri has done exactly what it set out to do - facilitate making friends (and this is where chances of messing up are high). Darshan, Apeksha, Vignesh, Kiran B. Patil, Arun, Dandekar, Rohan, Sharat, Avinash, Katha, Vishnu, and the list goes on. In the process of all this, I've become "Mummy" to a lot of them and I secretly love being exactly that. Every year, people thought, "Okay, that's it. This has to be her last Maitri." Only to see me return the following year. I couldn't even let go of it this year, even when I had a day to rest before I defended my dissertation. But, I promise you I am not coming back next year. A little part of me is relieved that I don't have to come up with new steps. However, the majority of me hates it, that I will miss every moment of it, is a misrepresentation of what I have put up. Its all a farce. But one needs to move on, and that's what I am going to try to do.

Thank you very much for all the love and support 

Shreyasee (Mummy)

Benu Mama

"Titir, gujiya khaabi?"

....Amar Benu Mama amar kaache gujiya nei sheita dekhte padtona. Boro hoi ami jokhon mama ke bollam je amar gujiya aar pochondo noi, onar kharap to laglo kintu tateo shey shuntona...jaanten je ami kono akta shomai bolbo je "Benu mama, tumi amar jonye mishti niashlena...". Eita chilo amar highlight kolkata trip er shob shomoy. Mama amar jonye mishti niashbe. Jawar dine taaka deben. Raatre bala khawar pode - ice cream, nahole pepsi, nahole aarek round mishti. Aar shei bank theke notun note'er bundle. Ak dom kadak. Tarpor shei carrom er tournament Akrur Dutta lane e......ami Kolkata e jawa maane, Benu Mama khushi je bonji aashbe aar or jonye mishti, kochu, chingri niashahobe. Dokaane niye jawa toh kom chilo, kintu amar shate Benu mama'r khoob jomto. Class 10 e jokhon nombor kom pelaam, shobai dukho peyechilo kintu mama chilo ak jon je amake shahosh diyechilo. Ma golpo bolto je mama amake choto bala te ghum padanor jonye kole dolato aar golpo bolto.

Shei mama aajke chole gelo. Kauke kichu na bole, shobar bhalo kore, shey chole galo. Taar atta jaano shanti paye....

The Hoped End continued....

Disclaimer : I'd written this in 2007, and I hadn't expected myself to revisit it to continue the story. Until today, when something in me has triggered the breakdown of the writer's bloc. I'll try and continue this story regularly.


Not until recently did Kathy know what she wanted. It was time to move on. It had to be. That's how things play out in the larger scheme of life. This time she was sure. All those things in the past had held her back for too long. She'd missed out on her favorite plays, her favorite musicals, her friends, her family and most of all...no that was not an option anymore. All because she couldn't decide whether things were headed the right direction. Or for that matter, if they were in deed right for her. She knocked on her dad's door. Her father, a retired army man in his 60s, looked up from his book, smiled at her hoping, like everyday for the past year, that this would be the day his daughter would come out of that unwanted shell.

"I'm going to move out dad." Mr. McDowell was not expecting that. He'd hoped for her to get back to her normal self but this was drastic. He sat there awestruck. She couldn't look straight at him, she looked seemingly having said that. "I'm going to go to New York and stay with April for a while", she continued. "She's studying film at NYU and I want to do something like that I think. I can always find a job in New York and help out with the expenses and things like that." "What about your mom", Mr. McDowell didn't even realize that's what he'd said. "That...unfortunately will have to be your work. I don't think I'll have the heart to tell mom that I want to move out, especially after what she's done for me this past year. You are going to...". "But do you realize what this is going to do to her?" "have to handle her. She's not going to like it, but it is what it is right now". The two of them had always somehow managed to talk at the same time. The cuckoo's clock and Mrs. McDowell's gentle knock on the door, signaled it was time to lunch in this quite little house in suburban Ohio that had lost all its charm a year back. Father and daughter followed Mrs. McDowell. Kathy kept glancing at her dad with a look that oozed out "Handle it, please".

But there was something else that didn't seem in place at the table. Denise had started to eat. She'd forgotten to say grace. In all of her 25 years, Kathy had never seen her mom forget to say grace. There was something going on.......


Shreya

Does cricket define India's patriotism?

I've loved cricket for ever. But of late, it has left a certain disgust in my mouth. Not because I hate the game, but because I hate the effect it has on the country. Every time there is a cricket match, the country comes to a stop. Stores are closed, people go back home early, housewives make sure they are done with their chores so that they are uninterrupted, and so on and so forth. During the World Cup, I seriously questioned whether my friends were working for Cricinfo through Facebook cause their updates sure alluded that way; every ball was on Facebook, every run, every dive, every move, every scream on the pitch. First we beat Australia, then we beat Pakistan which was nothing short of us declaring that we were the best anywhere and everywhere. And then came the epic win. Some places even declared a holiday the following Monday after our win. Indian patriotism was at an all time high

Along came Anna Hazare, a silent crusader against corruption in India, whose movement rose to national attention after he started a "fast unto death" to pressurize the Indian government to enact the Jan Lokpal Bill; an anti-corruption law. When it first started, everyone was glad something was being done towards eradicating corruption. Updates about who Anna Hazare was, what he is trying to do, everyone was on the ball. And then...., it began to die out. The familiar "Arre, kuch toh hoga, kuch toh karenge, fir se wohi haalat pe utar aaenge", began. Now, no more updates. No more every second update on what the government is doing towards this Bill. No more snarky updates about what should happen. All that support......gone. Everyone was "attending" all these events; only to follow through. But Sachin videos can float around all the time. Of his 21 year journey. You know, its important. Its a great win

People asked if Chennai Super Kings won, not if the Prime Minister had yet set up a talk with Anna. IPL 4 is sure to take over talks now. Which brings me back to my question - is cricket the heart and soul of Indian patriotism? I have brought this up a lot of times with friends, only to see hatred towards me in their eyes, as to why I am questioning their "patriotism".

I will question it. And I will leave you to wonder if I have asked an invalid question....Have I ?

Shreyasee

Don't Judge me by my opinion

It might seem odd that I've made a statement like that. In all seriousness, don't judge me by my opinion. I mean opinions change. They have to right? You let a person change. Let the opinion change too.

Case and point : The current World Cup. Facebook updates are filled with a topsy turvy of opinions. "Yay, the way India is going, we are going to the finals". Ten seconds, eleven seconds, twelve seconds.....A minute (You get my drift). "Come on, men in blue. Can you not do one thing right??" Stars around my head. What happened a while back? Of course, this is to be blamed on the fact that this is always the case with the Indian team and all the blahs that follow along. But I thought changing opinions was hypocritical?

So here's to not judging an individual on their opinions. To those have believed in something, and have in the course of their thought process decided to change their belief and failed to acknowledge it, feel free to stand with your chin up.

After all- its just an opinion

Shreyasee

Guns on Campus

I wanted the title to be a snarky one, but my linguistic abilities failed me given the nature of the topic I am about to divulge in. Recently, the State of Texas (Happy Belated Birthday State of Texas) has proposed to allow guns on campus, on educational institutions' premises. Of course, since we are dealing with the Red State, it is highly likely that this law is going to pass.

Fortunately though, debates have taken place to attempt to give this law a justified (loosely used) existence of sorts. Here's where I stand. I am all for not having guns on campus. It's just going to someday make my parents lose their only daughter. I have an affinity to attract trouble towards me, and I can see myself dying because of a shooting on campus. Someone said that responsible people own guns. Ya, hence so many people died in Columbine, and VA Tech and little Christina Taylor-Green and poor Gabrielle Giffords suffering ; cause they were being targeted by "responsible" people. How, how tell me is it justified to have guns on campus? I am horrified. I am losing the ability to articulate at this point, that's how horrified I am. Added security if there is a shooter on campus? Imagine what the scene is going to be. Civil War Re-enactment if you asked me. Fires shot everywhere and more innocent people dying.

Your probability of death by a bullet goes up when this law is passed. Your probability of an undergraduate threatening you with a gun to increase his grades since he wasn't happy with them goes up. Your probability of being in the middle of a silly shootout increases. Your probability of committing suicide because of course load will increase. Your handle on sanity will decrease. Your handle on reality will decrease. Your handle on rationality will decrease.

I am scared .....

The Art of Bargaining...in India

If you are from India, then bargaining is an integral part of your existence. Exaggeration? Probably not. Any city I have been to I have always been advised to profusely bargain...like there's no tomorrow. Be it Linking Road in Mumbai, New Market in Kolkata, General Bazaar or Charminar in Hyderabad.

If you are not aware of this, it is one of those things that could make or break your shopping reputation. "Maathe pe buddhu likha hai kya? 4 rupaiy se zyaada hargiz nahi doongi?" To which the seller could reply two ways " Deneka daam bolru madam" or "5 rupaiy madam". All for a pair of kaajal that costs 3 rupees each. One might argue that even that was overpaying.

I have seen mom, aunts, friends scorn upon me when I give in easily. My mom had reduced the price of a handbag in New Market from 100/- to 50/- . What is hilarious is the drama that ensues. The seller cries foul, the buyer attempts to do the same, the buyer decides to walk away, the seller follows the buyer and 70% of the times will seal the deal at say 55. Of course then I hadn't realized that 50 bucks was high too, but humor me.

This time in Bombay (Mumbai, whatever suits your boat) I was pleasantly surprised to see myself even attempting to haggle. I brought down the pair of really pretty earrings from 250/- to 100/-. Proud of my bargain, I began to look confident as I strolled with Sriram, who himself was quite surprised with my efforts. "Do din ka khaana chin gaya usse," he made sure he pointed out. Only to stop at another store merely 500 ft selling the same exact identical pair of earrings for 100 bucks. Aiyyo moment. Learning experience. Chin up. General Bazaar in Hyderabad definitely proved better, since all I kept saying was - "Udhar mereko isse kam ko dere, aap log mereko lootne ki koshish kaiko karre?(The other store is selling for less, you better give me a better deal)" Though I would like to boast that said attempt worked 100% of the time, it didn't since the sellers aren't kacche khiladi(novices) either.

So how do you perfect it? Can you in fact perfect it? Can we model it (the paper hungry in me asketh) ? I mean sure people have worked on it before, but for some reason I don't think it can beat what experience can teach you.

Oh well - there's time ;)

The oblivion of rebel

I have always wondered what it is like to be a rebel. When I say rebel, I mean doing something that is not expected of you. I was always expected to do well in school, to be in academics, to get a PhD. It was understood. Shreyasee/Titir will do what she sets her mind to. I wanted to be a journalist when I was in high school, my friends are still perplexed why I didn't go through with it. Like I said, it was just expected.

I've never experienced that supposed "high" from being a rebel. The fact that I stopped learning the piano, the fact that I went on to do economics is considered being a rebel. I am one heck of a wasted talent, consensus has been reached.

Now when I want to go back to pursue something, is it really a sign of failure? Or someone's honest desire to get back to something she's always liked it? Is it really too late?

Happy Independence Day

On this day, since we are so content with all of this - do nothing against

1. female infanticide
   
2. honour killing
   
3. price rise
   
4. domestic abuse
   
5. rapists going scott free
   
6. farmers committing suicide
   
7. children not getting basic education
8. religion over sanity
   
9. rich becoming richer, poor becoming poorer
10. going back to princely states

Happy Independence Day. Being content is living well and hence we are.

I tried and I made it!

"....people stood in line to charge their mobile phones", he said. I didn't I had tears until the talk ended. I am not going to write on this since it is better you watch the videos. Please do watch both the videos.








Necessity is the mother of invention

Shreya

P.S. Thanks Vikram for sharing

Facebook

Simpler times - University of Houston was on the waiting list of schools to get access to Facebook. And when it did, we had to strictly use UH email. Imagine the number of people flocking to the IT dept to start using their UH email. Good times..

I used to be one of those fanatics who made sure they could tell everyone what was going on, finding every one of my friends on there, following them (no not stalking them). I liked facebook.

And then .... it got complicated. It became this myriad of quizzes, of farmville, of fishville (god give extra time to these people, since they know not that they have sinned), of mafiawars, of craziness. And I began to detest it. It is an addiction - an inelastic demand that I am trying to turn into an elastic one, if only that were possible, considering I am in grad school.

Facebook has A.D.D.- what happened to it being a social network place- now its so ANNOYING, to say the least. Everyday its layout changes. Everyday its privacy stuff changes. Everyday its new. Everyday I check it I go I miss the old facebook.

I really do. I used to hope for a better interface, and look what I got. Please Mark Zuckerberg , please don't make any more changes. Please. I am tired of hiding friends, and hiding quizzes and random smiles I get from people.

Please please please - pretty please

Little Things....

Chatting endlessly with friends helps you realize stuff, and then, of course like it were planned, we return to the routine we whine about. A routine in itself one might say.

Kartik was struggling to find a topic the other day for one of his articles. Of course, I am of no help, but did criticize him for writing something, for lack of a better word, oh so serious. Toyota recall something something it was.

Frankly, I am so tired of reading these things (sorry TK). We are so consumed by all of this, its plain ridiculous. Death here, corruption there. Recall here, bonus there. Granted these are important things. Granted these are things that are part of that happiness we all yearn for. But would it kill someone to write something, happy? Like how they spent the day on the porch drinking coffee, reading a book and enjoying that down time. I am sure the editor wouldn't like something like this, but you get the feel of it. I can't think good thoughts anymore, for fear of them being crumpled by future bad incidents. Must be prepared for anything, and thus ruin that little peace . Anil, was to say the least, frustrated with this line of thinking- "Can't you be happy for once- happy for no reason to add onto that?" I paused for a moment, in shock to add to that, cause I never thought that I was doing something wrong. It was natural, it was the way one should think. That what if was already in my line.

We are so consumed by these, at least I know I am, that we work towards avoiding something that might happen, versus working towards that simplicity we've been cribbing about since lord knows when.

Yours truly, will go back to the routine within a couple of time units(unspecified cause I don't want to give you false hope). But here's to at least trying....

Children on Children's Day

That children are the citizens of tomorrow- is an oft repeated phrase in a speech a child gives on Children's Day. In fact, yours truly is guilty of starting this post with it. International Children's Day is celebrated on June 1, and Children's Day in India on November 14th of every year. While usually it is a day celebrating children and their innocence, it is also a day that one is reminded of the numerous kids that are exempt of the privileges that some of us have so shamelessly misused.

Here's my crib. Why remember them on the day that's meant to be theirs? The rest 364 days, forget about them or don't give them that much attention. In no means is it a generalization, there are lots of people who have devoted their lives to ameliorate the kids' lives, but they too go unnoticed until its Children's Day. Remember the dead when they died is it? News websites in India flash reports about malnourished children in rural India, the sorry state of affairs prevailing all their life, that money directed to uplift them often fails to even be heard of.

Where do we go from here? Feel sorry for them on the day we are meant to think about them and then go back to our business of doing petty chores that we so relentlessly run behind? Or do something that will in deed be of help? Where do we go from here....

Here's a nice TedTalk I stumbled upon today...Sort of connected...but not I suppose, either or its a good talk

What to do...

Being selfless is often a virtue human beings desire others to possess, but not something they would easily picture themselves having. Sadly, this wasn't the case with her. It was unthinkable for her to be selfish, even if it meant doing something she knew was detrimental to her in the long run. In fact, it was the opposite in this case, her friends yearned for her to be selfish.

It was hard to decipher her. Putting herself first before making a decision wasn't ever the right thing to do, every time she thought about it, there was an impending guilty feeling in her conscience that made her step back. She'd struggled hard enough to make everyone happy, never hoping for a return. But it wasn't enough...people had higher expectations for her every step of her life. Was it because they thought she was capable of doing it or they were vicariously living through her life was indeed debatable...

So what should a girl like this end up doing...Wait for someone to tell her how to change her life or in fact make her own decision...

Abandon sex the TV way

Disclaimer: Dad, if you are reading this, sorry, but you know I had to write about this, its stupid how these people think. There goes creative thinking down the drain- and hence I never adopted it.

Agreed. We've got a population problem in India. Increased population leads to increased pressure on the economy, on the food chain, such and such. Clearly, you can see I am least bothered about the population problem by itself.

Indian Health Minister, Ghulam Naqbi Azad, in an interview about ways to reduce increase in population has said that heightened viewing of television, especially in rural India, will reduce the production of babies. Firstly, LOL at that. (Daddy, LOL=laugh out loud). I mean really, seriously, really? Where did you come up with that Mr. Azad?

I quote him here- "Television has one great benefit above all... if electricity reaches every village people will watch television late into the night and will have no time to produce babies. I would believe 80% of birth control be taken care of by television." Again, LOL. Imagine the plight of the birth control pill companies, even worse poor I-pill was just launched. How will it survive?

Obvious outrage in me, hence the lack of coherence. Someone asked me, what channels will be shown to these people- I say GOOD QUESTION. Now answer that Mr. Azad. Please do not show them something equivalent to the History Channel, cause then they might as well, spend time having sex, and if there's something on TV that's useful(in every sense of the word), then more incentive for them to check it out (;)). I mean learn stuff from TV if you wish to. TV as birth control, yea right.

So all those villages eagerly waiting for electricity, its coming, cause Mr.Azad thinks it will give you something to do. :D Sure it will...

Good Will Hunting

The human race is an odd species. Half its time goes away trying to contemplate the possibilities of maintaining reputation. We are so consumed by what our place in society is, what it will be, we forget who we are. Some would argue that this is not a bad thing necessarily, after all its the survival of the fittest. But take a step back and think about it- is it really worth it? We are in a constant struggle to be someone people want us to be, or what people expect us to be, what we think people expect from us, what will it take to be us? Imagine a world where everyone was exactly who they were- would it really be that easy and playful to live in?

I watched Good Will Hunting for the 'n'th time today and the last scene without Matt Damon finally made sense. He could have been what he was being sculpted into by a frustrated Math professor. But he knew what he wanted. Sure its a Hollywood story, but in retrospect it could be our life...It really isn't about others, it's about us as an individual.

Life has become about others, while death the individual....odd ...

Death...

Disclaimer: This is going to be a very depressing article, both due to the content and due to the fact that it was written on a weekend (great choice of day there). So reading along is totally up to your discretion. And no I am not suicidal, this is just a post.

Last Monday I woke up with an odd feeling- that this was going to be my final week on Earth. My final week to live. And then full stop. Period. Done. That's it, I wouldn't have to wake up in the morning, I wouldn't have to think about what was to be done, make an agenda, procrastination would have no consequences, I wouldn't have to be answerable to anyone, I wouldn't to worry about keeping people happy...oh the number of 'I didn't'-s and 'I wouldn't'-s that I could come up with....

Oddly enough, I wasn't sad or concerned about it. It almost seemed like a relief. I think the rationale behind it was that no matter what we do in life, and no matter if we achieved the fame we all yearned for, one had to die someday with or without that fame, with or without that knowledge. Hence, not a big deal. I sat down thinking to myself how life, in reality, was too long. On average, we live to about 70 years these days. Sure there are exceptions. But we can't help admit that life expectancy has increased. And yet, we seem so concerned about life being too short. I mean how much more time do you need to figure out your life. If you haven't done things by then, you won't do it anymore.

We are scared of death- no doubt about that. And living with that fear, we ruin every ounce of potential fun we are entitled to, or at least think we are entitled to. Almost seems like, things we do are to avoid death. That we know of its existence, should technically make it simpler for us to live, not complicated to the core. That knowledge should in fact just let us live...not die while living...

Gmail Blog

Call me a nerd, call me jobless call me whatever, but one of my things during leisure time ( err ok all the time) is to make sure I am up to date with the newest things on none other than GMAIL. I have to visit the gmail blog everyday to see if there are new updates to the mail system and of course I try and implement. Sometimes I wonder if gmail failed, what would happen to my daily routine.....err lol!!

As I contemplate over that, visit the gmail blog and be amazed

.....

She knew it wasn't going to get better. That feeling was the worst ever. When disappointment... being led off track was tangible. But what could she do? There was no way out. Even if there was, there wasn't enough courage in her to do what she wanted to do, or to at least even acknowledge that it wasn't what she wanted to do.

She'd seen her family spiral down. A little too fast. Domino effect. Better than before. A start she could pin point but was it worth it? An end- none possible? Was it worth thinking about....She'd given up a lot, or at least that's what she thought. It would take a lot more to make her life seem worthwhile.

Was that all she cared about, to get that attention she yearned for? She was one of those people that couldn't do without people. Had to be the center of attention, if she wasn't she found a way to sorta find her place there. She was living someone's life. That was certain. She knew it, acknowledged it. But she didn't have the courage to change it. It wasn't fair to her....it wasn't fair for anyone....

It was the best anyone could do....It was the best she had always known....Its the best she'll always know.....